![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The Battle Continues
“I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself and know
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye
I never can hide myself from me
I see what others may never see
I know what others may never know
I never can fool myself and so
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I have done
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself”
We all have skeletons in the closet. Scars. Secrets left untold.
These days made me suffocate. I feel cursed in every step I take, a phony liar behind each smile and a pathetic soul trapped behind this innocent face.
Each day I walk up to mum and take her hand to kiss for her forgiveness. Perhaps I have done her wrong. Perhaps I was too proud. Perhaps I remembered her less in my prayers. Her eyes widen with curiosity as she mutters, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I use every strength I still have to put on another smile and assure her with my best convincing eyes “Nothing much”
The guilt is killing me. But only because I keep beating myself up, saying I was bad and evil and corrupted. I am only a human. A human who only starts learning. Starts knowing. Starts growing up. Starts adjusting. That even if I will never be viewed the same way again, it’s a small price to pay for all the wrongs I have done.
Life goes on. Life moves on.
“These scars are my battle wounds. They mean I’m a fighter”
The biggest battle is fighting against the demons in your head and the voices in your mind. Bismillah. Let us win this with His guidance.
I want to be fit for myself and know
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye
I never can hide myself from me
I see what others may never see
I know what others may never know
I never can fool myself and so
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I have done
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself”
We all have skeletons in the closet. Scars. Secrets left untold.
These days made me suffocate. I feel cursed in every step I take, a phony liar behind each smile and a pathetic soul trapped behind this innocent face.
Each day I walk up to mum and take her hand to kiss for her forgiveness. Perhaps I have done her wrong. Perhaps I was too proud. Perhaps I remembered her less in my prayers. Her eyes widen with curiosity as she mutters, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I use every strength I still have to put on another smile and assure her with my best convincing eyes “Nothing much”
The guilt is killing me. But only because I keep beating myself up, saying I was bad and evil and corrupted. I am only a human. A human who only starts learning. Starts knowing. Starts growing up. Starts adjusting. That even if I will never be viewed the same way again, it’s a small price to pay for all the wrongs I have done.
Life goes on. Life moves on.
“These scars are my battle wounds. They mean I’m a fighter”
The biggest battle is fighting against the demons in your head and the voices in your mind. Bismillah. Let us win this with His guidance.