Lingering Pain

[marchan89]

"Have you planned for your Masters yet?" she asked as I washed the dishes quietly. Her question was only met with silence. Then, like any parent often do, she displayed her own suggestion. Hers which was supported by her friends. That I should pursue TESL or Literature part time and continue working here permanently.

If I had an ounce of that gutless courage I would have lashed out to her that instant. But I knew better than stopping the Queen from speaking her mind. If only she could realize the reason why I am still here working half dead at her school instead of going out there chasing the future. It's never about the school. I stupidly believed I could change what has been going on between us.

Yet I had been crying hard, wasting my quiet reading hours afterwards every time she came bashing me. That night changed everything. She lashed out again without even letting me speak. I knew I had been bleeding inside but that was more than enough. No more. It's time to move on.

Everyone expects me to succeed you. Let them hope. Time will tell. I will never be like you. I will never live your life.

Comments

[mmestrange]

There's also making peace with yourself. That's one of the most important things. The next is to have a sense of yourself, and liking yourself for you and your flaws and your abilities.

[marchan89]

Oh Isabel, it must have been cool to have a head like you. Always sensible and know what to do and can clear off any disturbing matters that easy. Being an adult is hard especially when everything is now on your shoulders
to decide. Add another dose of expectations from people that you never need to know.